maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
