So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
