There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
