She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
they need to just BURY HIM!
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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