I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
