my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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