I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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