U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
