somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
