capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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