well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
