Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
