That's when you crack a 10am beer
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
