Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
