Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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