The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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