I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize