i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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