Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
