my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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