So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
