Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize