In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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