I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
being pregnant is like rehab
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
