Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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