Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
