Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
