Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
its not stalking. its research.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
