"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
