whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
