I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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