no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
My room smells like vodka and shame
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
