ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
