So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
