on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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