So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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