You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
