Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
