yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you win again, gameday.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
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