There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
