Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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