making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
