i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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