it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
