I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
