I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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