Me. At least after what I've been through.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You are a genius and a whore.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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