is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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