i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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