**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
