feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Randomize
