I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
