You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
My liver just had a heart attack.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He shit in the fireplace
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
