Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
