His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
