My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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