He uses pillows to masturbate.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
