Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
