That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
