Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
