I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
