And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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