yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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