it's like iHOP with fire
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
