Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
There are leaves in my underwear?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
