I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
