I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
