i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
