i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
We need to rekindle our bromance
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
