Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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