This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Couch. On fire.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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