i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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