You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
