Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
